Hold On . Stay Strong

 

 

I saw this on facebook. I’m glad that my friend posted this on my home page. I needed this sentence so much. I thought everything has slowly gone back to square one, back to how it suppose to be. *shakes head* Just realized that I’m not as happy as I were. I’m not as cool, as carefree as I’ve thought I would be either. That emotions that I’ve been hiding, keeping away are now denominating me mentally and physically. Tears dropping soundlessly as I type this piece of crap on my Windows Live Writer, hoping that I’ll find an easy way out by expressing myself. Sadly, there are things that I can’t disclose to the public and that is one of the reason why I stop blogging frequently like how I used to.

 

Life is funny ain’t it? Playing you round and round like a fool, like you got trapped in a maze, trying very hard to find the way out yet you’ll never really got the correct way. Everyday, I’m struggling between what to do and what SHOULD I do. I feel like a total alien in this world. Or maybe it’s because I don’t really mix well with the others.

 

I know crying doesn’t help, but I can’t hold the tears back anymore. I’m #foreveralone, hated, disgusted, ignored and neglected, as always. All the tears that I’ve been holding all these months has broke down like a huge reservoir. I blame no one but myself. The walls I built around me is way too thick that even I, myself, couldn’t break free. I know God will lead the way. I’m this hopeless that a part of me wished to stay in this comfort zone so much, eventhough I’m well disconnected from the outside world, being a total weirdo to everyone around me. Seriously, I blame no one but myself because even I, myself, doesn’t know what I really wanted.

 

I tried google methods to get myself back but there’s none. Do you miss the old me? The one who laugh out loud, talk craps and crabs; the one who literally what the others call mad yet she’s not the alien in the world? I wonder if this is a part of growing old/mature.. I wonder when will I ever have the chance to break those walls and set myself free..

 

I miss me.

 

Remember to stay strong.

 

Till then